How to annoy the charecters from TVD
by breezychick12
Summary: Your guide on how to annoy Damon, Stefan, Elena, caroline, bonnie, jenna, tyler, and jeremy! VERY FUNNY! COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**How to annoy Damon Salvatore:**

**1. Put Vervain in the water supply of Mystic Falls, so when people drink it and he goes to bite them, he'll go weak.**

**2. Each and every time he asks you a question, say, "That's for me to know and you to dot, dot, dot. **

**3. Ask him if he ever had a threesome with his brother and Katherine. **

**4. If he doesn't kill you because of the third question and says "no", say "How do you know? For all we know, she could have erased the memory with her hypnotic mind"**

**5. Throw onions at him. **

**6. Flash your crucifix at him every time he walks by you.**

**7. Go up and bite him and shout "OOOH, YOU DON'T LIKE THAT DO YOU? I JUST THOUGHT I'D BITE YOU AND SHOW YOU HOW IT FEELS, YOU BASTARD!"**

**8. When he dances, push him and start a dance battle. **

**9. When he talks, repeat after him; like someone backing him up while snapping your fingers with attitude. **

**10. Create a facebook posing as him and give away all his information. **

**How to annoy Stefan Salvatore:**

**Cut yourself and cry out, so when he comes over to you to make sure you are okay you can dangle your bloody arm in front of him and sing song "You know you want iiiiittttt!" **

**2. Tell him you saw Damon forcing himself on Elena. He'll go attack Damon and come back with a stake in his gut. **

**3. Go hunting with him and every time he picks and animal to feed on, scream and grab the animal away from him. **

**4. Get a glass of red wine and scream "Mmm! AB positive, my favorite! You sure you don't want some? **

**5. Ask him if he knows about Twilight, and when he says yes, poke him continuously and say "Why don't you sparkle? Huh? Huh? Huh?"**

**6. Tell him he's Edward Cullen's dummy. **

**7. Take him to the hospital to donate blood, but don't tell him where you are taking him in till you get into a room. (Note: I would do this before doing the above. If you do this after everything else, he'll only know you're up to something and run away with super vampire speed)**

**8. "Accidentally" Stab Elena and throw her bleeding body at him. **

**9. Hook up Damon with Elena.**

**10. If you're not dead already, burn the photo he has of Katherine. **

**11. (Extra) When he's sleeping go over to his bed and when he wakes up do a cross symbol and yell "The power of Christe compels you!"**

**How to annoy Tyler Lockwood:**

**1. Get him a pet dog and say "I found your long lost twin!"**

**2. Give him a dog collar on his birthday**

**3. Pretend to be blind and ask him to be your lead dog. **

**4. When he is grumpy, say "I guess you woke up on the wrong side of the doghouse today"**

**5. Throw a stick and yell "FETCH!" when he doesn't storm over to him and with attitude say "FINE! NO KIBBLES AND BITS FOR YOU!''**

**6. Never use English in front of him. Instead, bark.**

**7. Tell him dogs make good pets, not partners. **

**8. Compare him to Jacob Black in front of his face. **

**9. Ask him if he likes to do things…doggy style. **

**10. Compare him to his father in front of his face. **

**How to annoy Elena Gilbert**

**1. Read her diary. **

**2. Make out with Jeremy in her room and on her bed. **

**3. Steal her vervain necklace and bury it. When she asks you where it is, say "That's for me to know and for you to dot, dot, dot"**

**4. Laugh when the teacher asks her a question she doesn't know and yell "She's too busy looking at Stefan's ass!" **

**5. Call her a taller version of Bella Swan**

**6. Compare Edward to Stefan**

**7. Constantly remind her she looks like Katherine and the only reason Stefan loves her is because of that. **

**8. Push her in front of a moving truck and shout to Stefan "Save her like Edward saves Bella!" **

**9. Constantly ask her why she doesn't want Damon instead of Stefan**

**10. Ask her if She, Damon, and Stefan have ever had a threesome. **

**How to annoy Bonnie Bennett**

**1. Yell "witch!" every time you see her**

**2. Ask her where her broom is**

**3. Cough "Bonnie's ancestors "when you talk about the witch trial in history class**

**4. Ask her if she likes "Sabrina the teenage witch"**

**5. Go out drinking with Grams**

**6. Cast a fake spell on her while she's looking**

**7. Laugh at how ugly Emily's necklace is**

**8. Ask her where's her pointy hat **

**9. Say "iiiirrrronnnny" when she dresses as a witch for Halloween**

**10. Ask her if she's ever had sex with Damon, and when she says "no" ask her why.**

**How to annoy Caroline Forbes**

**1. Tell her that Matt has fallen in love with someone better than her**

**2. Tell her that Tyler imprinted on Matt**

**3. Take all her clothes, grab blood bags from the Salvatore boarding house, and splatter blood all over each of them. **

**4. Give her a book "How to be a bitch for dummies" **

**5. Tell her that she is the biggest bitch for abandoning Tyler**

**6. Tell her you saw Matt kissing Elena**

**7. Follow her around all day. When she asks you what are you doing, say "I'm trying to figure out why, A. You don't sparkle, and B. why you're so freaking ugly when vampires in twilight are inhumanly beautiful"**

**8. Tell her that her gay father has come back and has fallen in love with Damon. **

**9. Tell her she's a Rosalie Cullen wannabe. **

**How to annoy Jenna Summers. **

**1. Tell her that she's a terrible guardian**

**2. Put lipstick on Alaric's collar and when he goes to see Jenna say "Hey, Jenna, look what Alaric has on his collar!" When she questions him giggle and say "Just kidding!" **

**3. Say that she is only a rebound for Isobel**

**4. Ask her if Alaric ever asks her to dress up as a schoolgirl in the bedroom**

**5. Suggest that she, Elena, and Jeremy have a threesome. **

**How to annoy John Gilbert**

**1. Ask him if he knows about his daughter having sex **

**2. Ask him if you can chop his fingers off**

**3. When he looks at Elena, say "Are you checking out Elena's ass?" loud enough for them both to hear you. **

**4. When Jenna's in the room, say "Jenna is really that bad in bed?" **

**How to annoy Jeremy Gilbert**

**1. Ask him if he's ever had dirty thoughts about his sister**

**2. Kill Bonnie Bennett**

**3. Ask him what is with him and losing woman**

**4. Tell him he's super duper ugly**


	2. Chapter 2 How to annoy Katherine

**How to annoy Katherine Pierce **

**1. Tell her Stefan is marrying Elena**

**2. When you two hunt together, tell her she needs to sit out because she's looking fatter than usual. **

**3. Hang out with Stefan… a lot (This will also annoy the hell out of Elena) **

**4. Ask her if she had a threesome with the Salvatore brothers and if she compelled them to forget about it. If she says "No", say "OOOH THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT ME TO THINK"**

**5. Call her weak**

**6. Find as many werewolves as you can and tell them Katherine is going to kill them all in less they do something about it. **

**7. Get as much rabbit blood as you can and then tell her you got this human blood juuuust for her. **

**8. Ask her if vervain affects her. When she says "No" Say "Good" and dump a bucket of vervain on her. **

**9. Burn all her clothes**

**10. Hang crosses all over her room and then add lots of bibles.**

**11. Hang photos of Elena and Stefan kissing all over the walls**

**12. Cut off her hair**

**13. Accuse her of being jealous of Elena**

**14. Ask Bonnie to do a spell so you sound like Stefan. If she does, call Katherine and tell her you want her back. Then, when you're about to hang up, yell "JUST KIDDING BITCH!" **

**15. Say "If you're so hot then why don't you have a man?" **


End file.
